Tag Archives: Intact

Keep our boys INTACT

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I sit here tonight, with my mind swimming with what to write.  There is so much misinformation about circumcision, so much myth, and so many “I circumcised my son because…” floating around.  To be honest, I’m tired of all of this, and I’m tired of people feeling the need to defend their decision to have their son circumcised.  There is no need to justify, what’s done is done. I say what I say, I write what I write for information, not to judge the decisions of others.

So what is circumcision anyway?  Well, in plain and simple terms, it is the removal of the foreskin from the penis.  In other terms, it is genital mutilation (from Miriam-Webster Dictionary online – Mutilate -1.  : “to cut up or alter radically so as to make imperfect & 2.  :to cut off or permanently destroy a limb or essential part of”), a (most of the time, non-consensual) removal of perfectly useful, normal, healthy skin that is SUPPOSED to exist.  Penises are formed with foreskin as an essential functioning part of them, and for some reason, many societies have created a stigma around it, so much so that I was told the other night that a childbirth educator here in town is stating that a good and valid reason for having a newborn boy circumcised is for the sake of his bonding with his father later in life.  I shared this with my husband last night, and he looked at me bug-eyed, deer in the headlights, and said, “Yeah, because men bond with their sons naked?!” And to add to that thought… Are men and their sons really bonding over their penises?!

One of my favorite sites on the internet, Peaceful Parenting, recently posted an excellent post, by Audrey Bryk, about keeping boys intact.  This article is stated in terms that are easy to understand, and that lit a fire under me.  Just as was stated above, one of the reasons in some cultures for circumcising boys is so that they can be “like their dads”.  Bryk argues that is it not easier to just state that someone made the decision based on information that those parents knew to circumcise the father, but that the parents of the son chose to keep him intact (a more complete and well-informed decision).  That seems to me to be a much simpler conversation than why an essential portion of his penis was cut from him shortly after birth.

I remember so vividly praying that Sydney was a girl, literally praying.  I sensed a lot of pressure from my husband and his mother to circumcise if we had a son.  Though I knew very little about circumcision, and had never seen an intact penis; something inside of me thought it was wrong, unethical, immoral, against everything that I believed.  I had no basis for this thought, but I felt extremely strongly about it.  It seems strange to me that I stood up very strongly for everything that I wanted for the birth of our beautiful baby, but something in me had a hard time standing up for keeping a son intact.  I no longer have that issue.

There is so much to be said for genital integrity.  So much to be said for having a say in what happens to your own genitals.  So much to be said for informed consent.  And this is what I will say:

  1. Boys/Men deserve to remain intact until they are able to make a fully informed decision.
  2. The reasons for circumcision are not based in medicine, but rather in preference of parents (for many reasons, appearance, misinformed hygiene myth, religion, etc).  This is not their decision to make, it is NOT their penis.
  3. Doctors should not perform a procedure on a patient who is non-consenting (the baby boy is the patient, after all).
  4. Mutilation of the genitals at birth is not something that any baby boy chooses for himself.  In fact, this is what baby boys have to say about it: 
  5. Grown men have a right to feel certain feelings about not having been allowed to make that decision for themselves. 
  6. The correct, valid, researched, and true information about intact vs. circumcised needs to be made public and talked about.  We cannot be ashamed to discuss this! Here is an excellent site:  Circumcision Decision Maker

I would like to say, that though this post is short, it holds every bit as much passion as any other that I’ve written.  My lack of words is an indication that so much is wanting to come out, and the words are not finding their way onto the screen (Come on, fingers and brain, WORK!).  But nevertheless, see my words for how I intend them.  I am not someone you need to justify your reasons for circumcising your son(s) to, I am not here to judge.  I just ask that all of you research the decisions that you make on behalf of the children you bring into this world.  Who knows what long lasting effects this may have on his psyche, sexuality, emotional well-being, self-esteem, physical appearance, etc.

As always, thank you so much for reading this post, and COMMENTS WELCOME.

Since posting this post last night, I have gotten some backlash on Facebook from people who read it.  People have become offended.  So I encourage you that if you’re offended, bring it to my attention so I know why and what created the offense.

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Preparation for Birth

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There is so much talk about preparing for birth.  So I’d love for this post to be as interactive as possible.  Please feel free to comment, leave suggestions you might have for expectant mothers, and tell us how you prepared for your birth/s.

Pregnancy, for most women lasts from 37-42 weeks, and while that seems like a long time, it really is not.  In that time, couples/families become very involved in preparing for the birth, and I can’t help but wonder if families prepare enough.  We all know that couples, especially first time parents, go a little wacko on baby registries, and I’m sure stores are thrilled with this.  But are couples preparing adequately for the birth of their newest loves?

How did you prepare for your birth/s?  Do you think you prepared enough?  Do you think you could have ever been prepared enough?  So here are some questions I’d love for you to weigh in on.

  1. Did you take childbirth classes?  (If so, where were they offered?  Do you feel like you learned enough to feel comfortable with giving birth?)
  2. Did you interview multiple care providers, and shop around at several hospitals/birthing centers?
  3. Did you take other classes?  (Breastfeeding, Newborn Care, Etc)
  4. Did you research routine interventions that are used in hospitals?
  5. Did you research newborn care procedures in hospitals?
  6. Did you prepare a birth plan?  If so, did anyone help you with this?
  7. Did you have all of your questions answered by your care provider?  (Questions to Ask your Care Provider)
  8. Were you satisfied with the prenatal care your received?
  9. Were you comfortable with your care provider/hospital?
  10. Did you feel prepared to give birth?

I know that right now, in my community, there are two hospitals.  I have attended births at both, and each has its own policies and procedures, some the same, and some very different.  I cannot say that one hospital is better than the other, simply because I am not a woman who is preparing to give birth in either.  Each woman preparing for birth, prepares in her own way.  And the consensus I hear around my area is that women are not necessarily feeling prepared adequately.

The sad truth is that there is over-crowding in the hospitals, and the time that women receive with their care providers is little.  I always encourage women to ask tons of questions, and ensure that her questions are answered before she leaves her doctors office – whether she feels good about the answers or not.  I went to a Homebirth Meetup Group in Fayetteville a couple weeks ago, and heard a woman say that she felt like cattle in the system that is caring for pregnant mothers.  No mother should feel that way, ever, but especially by the providers who will help her to birth her baby.

Preparing to give birth is HUGE.  I believe that couples should research until they are blue in the face.  Here are the things I think should be researched by every expectant couple:

  1. Proper nutrition during pregnancy
  2. Advantages of hiring a Doula/Labor Support
  3. Childbirth Classes – Which one is the best fit for you?
  4. Routine interventions – imposed by care provider, and by hospital
  5. Medical reasons for induction & augmentation of labor (when it is appropriate to do so)
  6. Medical reasons for Cesarean section
  7. Routine newborn procedures – who does them, when are they done, which are mandatory
  8. Circumcision – Do you want this done?  (Here is a guide for you to look at if you’re curious about why or why not to have this done.)
  9. Vaccinations – Will you vaccinate, will you delay?

Another sad truth is that many people research what car to buy, what TV to buy, what cable service to use, where to have their dog groomed more than they do how to give birth, where to give birth, who to have in attendance, and what the process will be like for them.  Some women do not feel confident with the care they receive, but do not switch providers.  So, if I can make one suggestion, it would be to prepare for your birth, and this includes switching providers if you do not feel comfortable with them. Prepare for birth, for you and your baby.

Make this interactive:  COMMENTS PLEASE.